Minder straffen, meer belonen!

137
Vroeger kregen kinderen geregeld een flink pak rammel. Een soort lik op stuk-beleid. Deden de kinderen wat fout? Baf… gelijk een draai om hun oren. Tegenwoordig krijgen kinderen straf. Best vaak. Zijn wij ook geen voorstander van. Natuurlijk snappen we het – ook onze kinderen kruipen weleens krijsend door de supermarkt omdat ze chips willen – maar goed gedrag belonen werkt beter.

Met straf hoop je dat je kind het zó vervelend vindt, dat het stopt met het vervelende gedrag. Maar sommige kinderen stoppen niet, die gaan gewoon door. Wat dan? Nog vaker straffen, harder straffen? Als straf de eerste keer niet helpt, werkt het daarna ook niet. Kinderen vinden straf misschien niet vervelend genoeg om te stoppen, maar ze vinden het wél naar. Elk kind heeft behoefte aan waardering en respect. Kinderen krijgen daardoor meer zelfvertrouwen, ze krijgen het gevoel dat ze ertoe doen en groeien daardoor op tot gelukkige volwassenen.

Andere oplossingen
Als kinderen dingen doen die niet mogen, kan het zijn dat ze niet weten wat er wel en niet mag. Een duidelijke uitleg werkt dan veel beter. De meeste kinderen weten echter best wel wat er niet mag, maar doen het toch. Ook dan is een uitleg belangrijk. Vertel vanuit jezelf, op een rustige en duidelijke manier, waarom jij dit niet wilt. Zorg dat het kind er met zijn aandacht goed bij is en snapt wat je vertelt. Ze moeten snappen waarom iets niet mag.

Neem de tijd
Neem de tijd om je kind te leren wat hij moet veranderen. Wij moeders hebben het vaak druk. Zeker tijdens de spitsuren tussen vijf en zeven uur ’s avonds. Net thuis, kinderen ophalen van de crèche, koken, opruimen, kids bed-klaar maken, voorlezen… Kinderen voelen dat en vragen aandacht door negatief gedrag. Jij valt uit, wordt boos en de sfeer daalt tot onder het nulpunt. Probeer dus ook op drukke momenten rustig te blijven en uitleg te geven waar je boos over bent.

Benoem het gedrag
Boos zijn mag overigens best, maar hou het bij jezelf. “Ik vind het niet goed als je alle zakken chips openmaakt.” Spreek kinderen aan op hun gedrag, nooit op zich zelf. Dus nooit: “Kijk nou wat je doet! Wat ben jij een vervelend kind!” Dat is schadelijk voor hun zelfvertrouwen. Je kind ís lief, maar doét even wat stouts.

Zelf laten oplossen
Laat kinderen goed maken wat ze fout hebben gedaan. Dus laat ze zelf opruimen, zelf excuses aanbieden (hoe klein ze ook zijn), zelf het kapot gemaakte speelgoed van broer of zus vergoeden. Ook al is het een kleine moeite voor jou om het te regelen, en doe je het zelf tien keer sneller, daar leren ze van. Dat is opvoeden.

Beloon het goede
Kinderen zijn net honden. Opvoeden is een kwestie van belonen. In plaats van straffen en letten op dingen die niet goed gaan, kun je je beter concentreren op wat er wél goed gaat. En dat goede gedrag dan belonen. Natuurlijk niet met snoep of cadeautjes, maar met complimenten. “Goh, wat heb je dat netjes opgeruimd. Wat fijn dat je even met je broertje speelt. Wat goed dat je zonder zeuren naar boven gaat.”

Geef complimenten
Tegenover één keer boos zijn, moeten minimaal drie complimentjes staan. Pak eens een lijstje en turf de hele dag. Best kans dat je vaker corrigeert dan complimenteert. Als kinderen weten dat mama best een keertje boos kan zijn, maar dat dat altijd weer goed komt en dat de relatie van moeder en kind er niet onder lijdt, zullen ze zich veel vaker goed gedragen. Kinderen willen eigenlijk allemaal dat het gezellig is, en dat mama van ze houdt en ze vertrouwt. Onvoorwaardelijk, zonder dat op alles wat ze niet goed doen straf volgt. Dan gaan ze ook gezellig mee naar de winkel zónder de belofte dat ze een ijsje krijgen.

Bron ontspannenopvoeden.nl, mens-en-samenleving.nl

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137 reacties

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  96. Apple at present has Rhapsody as an app, which is a best begin, but it is now hampered by way of the incapacity to retail outlet regionally upon your iPod, and contains a dismal 64kbps bit value. If this variations, then it will rather negate this advantage for the Zune, still the 10 new music per thirty day period will however be a substantial moreover within Zune Pass’ choose.

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  102. The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a world-wide-web browser. Not a game machine. Perhaps in the long term it’s going to do even better within these areas, yet for at present it is a superior course toward organize and hear in direction of your songs and films, and is with out peer in that respect. The iPod’s strengths are its website visiting and apps. If people sound even more compelling, quite possibly it is your least difficult option.

  103. naturally like your website but you need to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very bothersome to tell the truth however I¡¦ll surely come again again.

  104. Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Therefore let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!

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  108. I will products this evaluation towards 2 designs of These: present-day Zune property owners who are thinking about an up grade, and human beings hoping toward determine concerning a Zune and an iPod. (There are other gamers well worth contemplating out there, which includes the Sony Walkman X, however I be expecting this delivers by yourself more than enough information and facts in the direction of deliver an knowledgeable decision of the Zune vs gamers other than the iPod line as effectively.)

  109. The refreshing Zune browser is astonishingly Great, yet not as Great as the iPod’s. It performs effectively, but is not as immediate as Safari, and is made up of a clunkier interface. If you often program on working with the website browser that’s not an issue, yet if you happen to be creating in direction of browse the web alot against your PMP then the iPod’s larger sized display and much better browser may perhaps be substantial.

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  111. Fingers down, Apple’s app retail outlet wins through a mile. It is really a significant determination of all varieties of purposes vs a alternatively sad quantity of a handful for Zune. Microsoft consists of applications, especially in just the realm of online games, still I’m not guaranteed I’d will need in the direction of bet upon the long run if this section is significant in the direction of by yourself. The iPod is a a lot greater alternative in that case.

  112. Zune and iPod: Most Those look at the Zune in direction of the Contact, but once seeing how skinny and astonishingly tiny and mild it is, I choose it in direction of be a alternatively unique hybrid that combines qualities of the two the Touch and the Nano. It really is very colorful and gorgeous OLED show is a little bit smaller sized than the touch screen, yet the player by itself feels reasonably a little bit smaller and lighter. It weighs around 2/3 as considerably, and is significantly smaller sized within just width and peak, while becoming only a hair thicker.

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  116. Apple currently has Rhapsody as an app, which is a suitable start off, nonetheless it is previously hampered through the incapacity towards store locally on your iPod, and contains a dismal 64kbps little bit selling price. If this alterations, then it will rather negate this benefit for the Zune, however the Ten audio for every month will even now be a significant plus inside of Zune Pass’ prefer.

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