8 Tips om je kind aan vriendjes te helpen

Herken je dat? Je staat op het schoolplein en er wordt onderhandeld “wie bij wie gaat”. Met een beetje geluk is jouw kind onderdeel van deze ruilhandel, maar met een beetje pech is het dat niet en keer je elke dag alleen met je schat huiswaarts. Hoe help jij je kind met het maken van vriendjes?

Kleine kinderen hebben niet zo’n behoefte aan andere kinderen. Zet twee baby’s naast elkaar en grote kans dat ze elkaar niet aankijken en het allebei toch leuk hebben. Dat verandert op de basisschool. Meisjes ontdekken andere meisjes, krijgen vriendinnen en de jongens ontdekken andere jongens om mee te ravotten. Vriendschapen worden gesloten. Zelfs vriendschappen voor het leven.
Maar soms ook niet. Je hebt een leuk kind, dat vind je tenminste zelf, maar het klikt gewoon niet met de kinderen uit de klas. Dan mag mama best een beetje helpen!

1. Doe je kind op een clubje. Misschien zitten daar wél gelijkgestemde kids.

2. Kijk eens objectief naar je eigen kind. Hoe leuk hij of zij ook is, misschien herken je een van deze dingen: je kind maakt veel ruzie, is hij nooit vrolijk, heeft geen zelfvertrouwen, wordt gepest, vindt veel eng, huilt veel, is heel snel boos. Ja? Praat daar dan eens over met de juf en – als je durft- met andere moeders, die je vertrouwt. En kijk eens naar jezelf. Geef jij het goede voorbeeld? Zorg ervoor dat je je kind genoeg positieve aandacht geeft. In het leven van een kind is zelfvertrouwen het toverwoord.

3. Als je kind gedrag vertoont dat vrienden maken in de weg staat, kun je proberen dat een beetje bij te sturen. Kinderen zijn net grote mensen, bepaald gedrag zit nou eenmaal in de genen. Maar je kunt je kind dan wel helpen daar beter mee om te gaan. Veroordeel het gedrag niet, maar probeer het te begrijpen en dan andere oplossingen aan te dragen. Dus niet: ”Stop nou eens met janken”, maar: “Ik zie dat je het eng vindt, wat vindt je eng?”.

4. Je kunt pas goede relaties aangaan als je je gevoelens weet te beheersen. Kinderen moeten dat nog leren. Voor een deel is dat een kwestie van karakter, voor een deel kun je er invloed op hebben. Het blijkt dat kinderen zichzelf beter leren beheersen als ouders begripvol reageren op hun emoties en gevoelens. Zeg dus bij iets kleins niet: ‘Je stelt je aan’, maar: ‘Ik zie dat je het vervelend vindt’.

5. Sommige kinderen zijn niet zo handig in een gesprek. Uit onzekerheid willen ze steeds opnoemen wat ze goed doen en zich in alle gesprekken mengen. Kortom: altijd het laatste woord hebben. Dat is niet handig in vriendschappen. Leer ze om te luisteren naar anderen. Dat kun je gewoon oefenen. Vriendschap is een wisselwerking.

6. Misschien vergeet je kind op andere kinderen te letten. Even een arm om een ander kind heen als die is gevallen, iets aardigs zeggen als iemand iets goeds heeft gedaan. Geef zelf het goede voorbeeld. Jij en je man zijn de grootste rolmodellen voor je kind.

7. Als je kind heel erg gefixeerd raakt op het maken van vriendjes, helpt het om uit te leggen dat hij of zij wat losser kan zijn.

8. Investeer in de vriendschappen van je kinderen. Ze mogen mee naar huis om te spelen, mee-eten mag ook. Hoe lastig ook in te passen, als er nooit tijd is om bij jou thuis te spelen haken andere ouders ook snel af om die van jou altijd mee te nemen. Als jij zorgt dat het gezellig is bij jou en je het spelen een beetje kan regisseren, komen andere kinderen sneller met jouw kind mee. En doe wat actiefs met ze, zodat de focus niet zo op je kind ligt. Iets bakken, in de speeltuin spelen, tekenen of schilderen….

Bron: opvoeden.nl


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